I must confess my pen fetish. Imagine my joy to learn that there is a National Ball Point Pen Day! So buckle up, I’m going to teach you something you didn’t know about pens. This holiday was created to celebrate the filing of the patent for the ball point pen on June 10.

First, if you write checks, splurge on a pack of Uniball 207 pens. They sell for about $2 each, but they protect you from losing the money in your checking account. I’m serious.

Watch this:

You’re welcome.

My Collection

My everyday ballpoint pen is the Pilot G-2 05 in blue. I buy these by the case for taking notes, scribbling a chapter when I’m away from my laptop, and for general use. They are retractable so I don’t smear ink in my purse, pocket, or backpack. The red version is for editing. I’m old school about printing that first draft and marking edits by hand.

When I report for General Aviation News, I carry the Pilot pens (of course) and a stenographer’s notebook.

Pens enter my life as gifts, SWAG from conferences, and souvenirs from travel. The most expensive pen in the collection was $200. Silver with embedded crystals. That souvenir from Las Vegas made my hubby roll his eyes.

At the NRA convention in Indianapolis, I bought a tactical pen. This hefty metal beast is TSA approved. In close combat, it is a weapon.

My hubby is an orthopedic surgeon. Before Congress members convinced themselves that doctors would prescribe medicines based on gifts from vendors, he was given these pens. The Operation Game pen works with a small battery and tweezers.

The glamorous pens in my collection include one with a giant glass gem on top. This would be perfect for a romance writer for book signings.

Lastly, here are the Beauty and the Beast pens. The Beauty costs $200 because it is silver with embedded crystals from Switzerland. The Beast is a tactical pen—TSA-approved, mind you—and a serious, defensive weapon in close quarters. In this case, the pen is mightier than the sword because it is so portable and less alarming to carry around.

Also, if you ever find yourself in a vehicle in deep water and have to get out–remember new cars don’t have hand-cranks to open the window. When your electrical system shorts out, you have to break the window to escape the vehicle. This dandy pen will handle that task.

So, laugh if you will, but pens can protect you from check washing and drowning.

Are there any other pen collectors out there? Does anyone else have favorite pens, or am I the lone weirdo writer out there?